How Not To Make Homemade Noodles

Grandmothers of America, I have let you down!!  Though I delight in my culinary skills, I have NEVER made homemade noodles ... dumplings so many times I can't count, but never noodles.  Today I decided my pantry was beginning to resemble Mother Hubbard's, so I thought, "Not to fret ... I will simply add some delicious homemade noodles to whatever kind of meat I could dig out of the freezer, add a salad or green vegetable, perhaps a pan of cornbread and have a meal suitable for a king!!

Everything went as planned as I merrily dug out bowls, rolling pin, pans, waxed paper to roll out the noodles  and, well you get the idea.  Things went downhill from that moment on.  Those darn eggs would not mix up in the flour as I thought they would, so I just added some more!!  My waxed paper was heavily floured when it began to roll up and, trying to straighten it, I slid it right off in the floor,  covering most of my kitchen with a white substance resembling snow!!  Not to be outdone, I grabbed another sheet of waxed paper and started again, threatening horrible things to it if it dared to slide one inch!!!  Much to my surprise, it stayed perfectly in place as I rolled out my noodles.  Oh, they were a sight to see, paper thin, just as they were supposed to be.  I had been so distracted by the spilled flour, I had not taken the time to clean as I went and floury footprints were everywhere, along with doughy, floury bowls, spoons and an assortment of pots and pans as I had trouble finding one they would fit in.  I grated cabbage and carrots for cole slaw, with little shreds of green and orange flying everywhere (actually looking quite colorful on the flour) as my noodles were drying, cut the beef into chunks, dropped it back into the simmering broth, seasoned to perfection!!  By this time, the noodles were ready to cut.  I have always cut dumplings with a pizza cutter and it was sooo easy, but these babies had to be rolled up and then cut.  They turned out to be every conceivable width and length.  I had skinny noodles, wide noodles, some that looked like a ribbon that had been left wadded in a drawer for years, but I gritted my teeth and threw them in the pot anyway!!!

Dinner was almost on time, but as I stood in the middle of all the chaos, it looked as if the 3rd World War had been fought in there!!  I seriously considered putting in a call to the governor to ask if he perhaps had the time to fly in and take a look at my kitchen.  No doubt it would be declared a disaster area and I possibly would be eligible for federal aid to assist in hiring a cleaning lady.
I only hoped the Health Department was not out and about for they surely would condemn my kitchen!!

A lesson learned the hard way is a lesson well learned and I have certainly learned this - Betty Crocker I am not and I will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER make homemade noodles again!!!

Be sweet everyone, just don't go making any noodles!!

I Can Live Without Sex But Not My Glasses

My little daughter in law's sister (who is like one of my own daughters) sent this to me and it is just hilarious. It happens to be true, but when you actually put it into words, it is funnier somehow. No matter what your age, I think you will get a kick out of reading this!!!

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere...

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14.. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off..

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

AND TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER ...

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Now, is that not just funny?!! Laughter is good for the soul, so I hope this has made you laugh and, remember to be sweet!!!!!

Some Really Good Information Here!!!

This is soooo right!!
Now everyone remember to always, always tell the truth and above all, be sweet!

Wit and Humor of Abe Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln has many an anecdote attributed to him. He reportedly once said, "They say I tell a great many stories; I reckon I do, but I have found in the course of a long experience that common people, take them as they run, are more easily informed through the medium of a broad illustration than in any other way and as to what the hypercritical few think, I don't care."

I believe his wit and humor placed him in the hearts of so many as much or more than his practical side. It is said he was so full of fun, it was not possible to keep it all in. I love reading and learning everything about him as he was such an extraordinary man. The following is a yarn of his I am sure you have read or heard. However, it is so good I feel it is worth reading again.

As he told it, Mr. Lincoln was surprised one day when a large, fierce looking man drew a gun and held the weapon almost in his face. Under these circumstances, "Abe" knew that talking or arguing with the man would be useless.
"What seems to be the matter?" asked Mr Lincoln with every bit of calmness he possessed.
"Well," replied the stranger, who did not appear at all excited, "some years ago I swore an oath that if I ever came across an uglier man than myself, I'd shoot him on the spot."
A feeling of relief came over "Abe", as the expression upon his countenance lost any suggestion of anxiety.
"Shoot me," he said to the stranger; " for if I am an uglier man than you I don't want to live."

Yes, "Abe" Lincoln was recognized as the champion story teller of the Capitol! Nothing could arise that stumped him. He always had a story that would furnish the proper illustration.
You be sweet now.