I have been having a pity party I suppose. I have what the doctor calls "treatment resistant depression". He has had me on every medicine known to man and nothing has helped. I don't know if this is something I can just shake or if it has to run its course. I believe it will have to run its course because if I could shake it off, I would. I have been feeling much like a victim for months now and not finding joy in anything or being able to be thankful for anything. I laugh very little and am sure I am not pleasant to be around. I am no longer the happy go lucky person I once was. It seems part of me was not brought back when I died and was shocked back to life. It happened twice on New Year,s Day---I had no pulse, no blood pressure and no heartbeat. I have no memory of it, only of waking days later in the hospital. Way down inside me, I feel like this is temporary. but it has gone on so long. I am praying that writing about it will be helpful and bring a bit of relief.
When we were little my brother and I thought it would be so neat to save our allowances of twenty five cents a week. Mom washed out two Pet milk cans and cut holes in the top big enough for a quarter. We thought this was the grandest thing ever---we had our own banks!! It was sooo hard to keep that money! Our little mouths watered when we talked of what it would buy. We decided to bury our banks in the grove of trees behind our house, plant moss on top of the hiding place so we could find it and come back at a later time to retrieve our stash!! We waited three long weeks and each of us had seventy five cents---what a treasure! We did as planned and sat back to wait till such a time as we wanted something bad enough to dig our banks up. After a few weeks, we could no longer contain ourselves--went to the woods, shovel in hand, ready to set out for the store when we returned with our riches! Imagine our shock and disbelief when we found moss growing everywhere and could not remember where our money was buried! We dug in so many spots the grove of trees looked like it had chicken pox!! We grieved and mourned over our lost banks like they had been our best friends. Honestly, that was a real lesson in something---I just have never figured out what---it had to be for me to still think about it after all these years!!! Be back soon--stay sweet and stay good.
Sunday my son and daughter-in-law were at a barbecue with one of his co-workers, who lived in the country and had a garden. My son's friend gave him two sacksful of green tomatoes! Now, I have not had fried green tomatoes in years and I do dearly love them. He left them (quite by mistake) in my refrigerator and, guess what? They were every bit as delicious as I remembered them! I plan on throwing in a few of my old fashioned recipes and the like. I love cooking the old way. I was raised on beans and cornbread. My mom canned everything in sight. She was just doing what her own mother did. My grandfather was half Indian and a lot of things they did was very interesting. I want my children to know where they came from, their roots. I am trying to get scrapbooks made for all of them for Christmas. I started these a few years ago, so when I finally get them done I will be one happy camper. Talk to you soon---be sweet and be good!! Polly