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Monday, February 22, 2010

How Not To Make Homemade Noodles

Grandmothers of America, I have let you down!!  Though I delight in my culinary skills, I have NEVER made homemade noodles ... dumplings so many times I can't count, but never noodles.  Today I decided my pantry was beginning to resemble Mother Hubbard's, so I thought, "Not to fret ... I will simply add some delicious homemade noodles to whatever kind of meat I could dig out of the freezer, add a salad or green vegetable, perhaps a pan of cornbread and have a meal suitable for a king!!

Everything went as planned as I merrily dug out bowls, rolling pin, pans, waxed paper to roll out the noodles  and, well you get the idea.  Things went downhill from that moment on.  Those darn eggs would not mix up in the flour as I thought they would, so I just added some more!!  My waxed paper was heavily floured when it began to roll up and, trying to straighten it, I slid it right off in the floor,  covering most of my kitchen with a white substance resembling snow!!  Not to be outdone, I grabbed another sheet of waxed paper and started again, threatening horrible things to it if it dared to slide one inch!!!  Much to my surprise, it stayed perfectly in place as I rolled out my noodles.  Oh, they were a sight to see, paper thin, just as they were supposed to be.  I had been so distracted by the spilled flour, I had not taken the time to clean as I went and floury footprints were everywhere, along with doughy, floury bowls, spoons and an assortment of pots and pans as I had trouble finding one they would fit in.  I grated cabbage and carrots for cole slaw, with little shreds of green and orange flying everywhere (actually looking quite colorful on the flour) as my noodles were drying, cut the beef into chunks, dropped it back into the simmering broth, seasoned to perfection!!  By this time, the noodles were ready to cut.  I have always cut dumplings with a pizza cutter and it was sooo easy, but these babies had to be rolled up and then cut.  They turned out to be every conceivable width and length.  I had skinny noodles, wide noodles, some that looked like a ribbon that had been left wadded in a drawer for years, but I gritted my teeth and threw them in the pot anyway!!!

Dinner was almost on time, but as I stood in the middle of all the chaos, it looked as if the 3rd World War had been fought in there!!  I seriously considered putting in a call to the governor to ask if he perhaps had the time to fly in and take a look at my kitchen.  No doubt it would be declared a disaster area and I possibly would be eligible for federal aid to assist in hiring a cleaning lady.
I only hoped the Health Department was not out and about for they surely would condemn my kitchen!!

A lesson learned the hard way is a lesson well learned and I have certainly learned this - Betty Crocker I am not and I will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER make homemade noodles again!!!

Be sweet everyone, just don't go making any noodles!!


Loree said...

I think I will take your advice. Sounds like making noodles is way too difficult for me.

Polly said...

I had thought it would be fun ... little did I know!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh how funny, I got a homemade noodle maker for Christmas, (I asked for it) and have yet to try it.