Well, it lasted long enough but I do believe the pity party is over!! I hope that doesn't happen again soon. I truly love life and all its joys but sometimes the sorrows just seem too much to bear. I may get down but I will not stay there because I believe we all have choices, just took me longer to come to that understanding than usual. Maybe it had something to do with the cardiac arrest I suffered ---don't know. I do know that I thought for the longest period of time that when they had to shock me back to life two different times a part of me didn't come back. It seemed as if the me that was always laughing and happy was not here any more, just an empty shell with no emotion or feeling. Nothing much mattered. I had never watched TV, never had time and I found myself sitting in front of it for hours, not even sure what I was seeing. I lost track of time and it seemed I did not remember what I was supposed to do. I had not known the meaning of boredom but suddenly it became my close companion. What in the heck was there to do and how did I go about doing it even if I knew? I still am not sure I have an answer, but I am commited to find one. I know for sure it lies within me----maybe deep within but I KNOW it is there!!!